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A Note to My Imperfect Brain

26 Mar

Dear Brain,

I am almost done grieving the losses

The loss of my keys, the loss of my words, the loss of where I fit in the world.

As peace sets in and I find a comfortable level to float

It really is time to honor, celebrate, and thank you for all I found.

Within your imperfections I learned to listen closely

And I found my voice, calling me to action.

Within the fog I walked into a deeper understanding of what is around me

And I found the focus I needed to see the beauty around me so much more clearly.

Within the confusion I learned to look for clues in the context

And I found the insight that comes with shifting my perspective.

Within the fear of doing it all wrong I heard the laughter

And I found the key to my survival.

Within the world of believing that no one could possibly understand I discovered a community

And I found my purpose.

 

With deep love and gratitude,

Ruth

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On Christmas Day I Hit My Head: Concussion Take Three

28 Dec

On Christmas day I hit my head. Hard.

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We just finished emptying the car from a short but wonderful trip to Joshua Tree and the Integratron. I leaned over to pick up my backpack and CRACK, I smacked my forehead on a slab of ancient river rock encased in granite that covers the counter in my front hall.

I know concussion protocol.  So I did a check of the important markers and here is what I found: I was a bit confused, had a throbbing lump on my forehead, my vision was slightly blurred, my pupils were definitely different sizes, I had an upset stomach, the world felt off kilter, and all I wanted to do was sleep.

Concussion. Again. Not fair.

I gave in to sleep and when I woke on day two, I made note of a few things.

When I looked around to assess my world, I realized that a couple really important things were still intact.

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I saw the world in 3-D, HD, in full sensory color. Cool…so important to see beauty. I also noticed that my ability to wonder was solidly and securely in place. There was magic outside the window and I knew that I could think about all of that with new eyes every time I opened them.  Those two things are so important to me and my perspective.

With that in mind I made these decisions.

First, last week I did a literature review on how writing / journaling aides recovery. Not much research out there but I know it works. I am journaling.

Second and on a very related noted, I know that this time I need to document, in the moment, so I don’t forget what I tried and what happened. I have written tons about how it is not possible, from both an ethical and a practical stand point, to measure what works and what doesn’t in the laboratory. Here is an opportunity to test and document in my laboratory.

Third, I need to be secure enough to share because this one is not about me — it is about maybe helping someone else and changing how others look at recovery. In the moment. As it happens. With intent.

Finally, I am, fully in alignment with what I know in my heart works and facilitates recovery most efficiently, going to expect the best to happen. One day at a time with purpose and intent. I’ve formally asked the question “what would happen if we just expected the best?” Maybe I will find out and learn from that.

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I expect that today will be a good day and no matter how clouded my thinking, all will go the best possible way.

I expect that I will find my way through the fog that I know will close in today as it did yesterday (on day two) at the end of the day and that all will be clearer on the other side.

I expect that my sharing this will open a window of understanding for others.

I expect that my efforts will pay off for me and others.

 

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